Toast to the groom

Here was the speech I delivered at my buddy Scotty's Wedding:

Well Scott. We go back a long way...if memory serves and believe me it does, we met before kindergarten and after diapers. Well...after for me, that is. It’s ok, Courtney, he caught up. And incidentally, Courtney, it’s not my fault that he was a two pack a day guy by Grade 3.

I have happy memories of our years of football, Scott, and your years of hockey.
I always admired your speed, and I thank you for not mentioning my gentler pace...which saved your sorry butt more than once as I recall. We made a good team on the football field.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is a really nice, cute guy. His parents and sisters are amazed he turned out so well...and Courtney’s parents are relieved to hear the same thing. We all know about the pig-headed part, but he says he’s working on that. A sort of work in progress as it were.

We have had a couple of serious chats, Scott and I, and he will be a great husband and delightful son-in-law. He asked me to say that. He also asked me to invite you all for a steak barbeque next weekend at their house. Bring your own lawn chairs....that’s right, just lawn chairs.

Now Courtnay, I have a little bit of advice for you regarding tonight… Remember that you are beginning a relationship here, and that relationship is a lot like installing a tile floor. If you lay it right the first time, you can walk all over it for the rest of your life.

Ladies and Gentlemen....please rise and toast a really great guy, who is getting greater by the minute..... let us all wish both Scott and Courtney
all the good things in their lives together....much happiness, good health,
prosperity and everlasting love........