Insert White Flag here

I hate to say it, but I am admitting defeat. Waving my white flag, I am giving up. And those who know me know how hard it is for me to admit that I'm wrong, so I hope you all apprecaite it...

I know nothing about women. NOTHING! Zip. Zilch. Niente. nichts
何も Nada. Rien. Ничего.

I don’t understand anything about them. I don’t know what they want, I don’t know what they need, I don’t know what they mean when we communicate. I do not comprehend anything beyond the literal translations behind the English words that leave their mouths.

I used to think that I understood women, that I had an inside track that other men did not have access too. That other guys just don’t understand girls, but I do.

Oh, what a fool.

Here’s an example demonstrating how my complete misapprehension of the female is unparallel.

Situation: I was dating a girl recently. We had some nice dates, but she told me that she was also seeing someone else, and although she thought that I was a great guy (she’s right) she was going to pursue things with her gentleman friend, because she had known him longer and she doesn’t know me that well. I told her that that’s fine, but we decided to remain friends because she was a pretty cool chick to hang out with. Now, she made it very clear that this friendship was a non-sexual friendship, to which I agreed.

So, I took another girl on a date, (which, I might add, was wonderful) but my new found friend caught wind of it. She phoned me “very hurt” because I was seeing other people.

HUH?

To me, if someone doesn’t want to date me, then she doesn’t have to. In this case, she did not want to date me, because there was greener pastures elsewhere. So, once she has decided that we are not going to date, then I am free to date other people. This makes a lot of sense to me. But she is upset because I am dating another girl. This does not make sense to me.

I think the reason I am perplexed is because my judicious evaluation of the situation has used logic and rational. It is sensible and reasonable and is well thought out. Yet, here I am, feeling stupid for not understanding.

Perhaps if I completely removed all logic and rational from my thought process, I will understand what has confounded man for Centuries. Or, as Melvin Udall put it in As Good as it Gets (when asked how he writes women so well), “First, I think of a man. Then I take away all rational and accountability.”

There are more situations that would act as better examples, but to mention them would not be in good taste.

Either way, I've been feeling very frustrated lately.