Official Rules of Engagement for Timmy Ho's

1) When you enter a Tim Horton's and see a line to one side of the
restaurant, that DOES NOT mean that you can start another line on
the other side.
PENALTY: TOO MANY LINES. People guilty of this infraction must buy
coffee for everyone in the original line.

2) If you cannot see the donut you want available in the display,
you CANNOT ask for it since the server will then go into the back
and eventually return and tell you that - guess what - they don't
have it!
PENALTY: DELAY OF GAME. People guilty of this infraction must
return to the end of the line.

3) The Drive-Thru is for ordering coffee and donuts ONLY. If you
need to order a sandwich or soup get out of your car and go inside
you lazy slob! It takes too long and they'll probably get your
order wrong any ways so save some greenhouse emissions and
remember - NO ORDERING FOOD IN THE DRIVE-THRU!
PENALTY: OVER ORDERING. People guilty of this infraction will have
their tires deflated on the spot.

4) Cleaning of the Hot Chocolate and Flavoured Coffee machines is
FORBIDDEN during times where there are actually customers in the
store. What kind of business takes a product off-line in the
middle of the day?!
PENALTY: UNNECESSARY CLEANLINESS. Staff guilty of this infraction
will be forced to eat hot, spicy food, then placed in restraints
just out of the reach of a nice cool glass of water for a hour.

5) Placing the lids on the "to-go" cups so that the drink opening
lines up with the crease in the cup is a crime against humanity
since it has the same effect as gag dribble-cups. Plus, exactly
how hard is it to miss that crease when placing the lid on any
ways? Yet it seems to happen more than 50% of the time.
PENALTY: ILLEGAL LID ON THE CREASE. Staff guilty of this must
floss with barbed wire for a week..

6) Franchise owners who open up a store with a Drive-Thru that
can't handle at least ten cars in line are a traffic menace.
Caffeine addiction is a scary thing that will cause people to stop
dead on busy streets just to keep a position in line at the
Drive-Thru.
PENALTY: INTERFERENCE. Owners guilty of this infraction will be
forced to order their meals via the empty Wendy's Drive-Thru next
door for a month.

7) Going on a coffee run to Tim's for five or more people is a
non-starter. Firstly, you'll never remember what everyone ordered
correctly. Secondly, you don't have a hope in hell of carrying
that stuff back out to your car. Lastly, it will take too long!!!
That nice person behind you in line was under the impression that
you were just going to order your coffee and go. BUT NO, you have
to take 5-10 minutes out of our lives while you botch the order
then juggle the cups back to your vehicle. Get some backbone -
force others to come with you. No more than two orders per person
thank you!
PENALTY: OVER TWO MINUTE WARNING. People guilty of this infraction
will be forced to drink ALL of the coffee they have ordered and
eat ALL the food. This same infraction committed via the
Drive-Thru will result in public flogging

8) During Roll-Up-The-Rim-To-Win time all cups left unattended
and unrolled for more than one minute are free game to anyone else.
Since we know that all the really good prizes are only meant for
people in Ontario we've only got a limited shot at anything decent
so watch your cups!
PENALTY: INELIGIBLE ROLLER. People guilty of this infraction must
forfeit any prizes won, past or present, to the new roller.

9) Staff who fail to recognize that you are a creature of habit
and order the same thing everyday for over a year at the same Tim
Horton's and still meet you with blank stares and an indifferent
"What can I get you?" are inflicting an inhuman mental torture.
Isn't that what the commercials are all about? Where are the
smiles and a hearty "The usual, Bob?"
PENALTY: INCOMPLETE RECOGNITION. Staff guilty of this infraction
must be subjected to proof of identify and a strip search every
time they try to pick up their pay check.

.and the final rule of engagement...........

10) Showing up at your son/daughters hockey game with a coffee
from another outlet than Tim Horton's is VERBOTEN! What are you -
some kind of troublemaker? Don't you know the way we do things
around here?
PENALTY: ILLEGAL COFFEE. People guilty of this must clean the ice
with their tongues between periods.

Hopefully if all of Canada buys into these rules we'll have a
safer, more productive society.